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Archive for June 2011

coldplay released a new single (and nobody cared)

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As you all know, coldplay released a new song the other day called Every Teardrop is a Waterfall. But unlike Viva la Veda or whatever their last song was that I heard in the Pepperdine caf at least 500 times as a freshman, no one has been talking about it. Its definitely not been on my facebook news feed. Trust me I would have seen it. It would have been some like, “OMGZ NEW COLDPLAY!!! MY LYFE IS COMPLETE!!111” with the song posted. Like this 

Despite this song being written by Chris Martin, Brian Eno and 5 other guys, this song sucks. Its like almost electronic for the first 5 seconds, then some Katy Perry-esque lyrics pop in, but then Christ Martin is singing it.


Okay Rebecca Black we get it. You’re in your room listening to your favorite song. Big Deal. At least your not talking about eating cereal. Of course the song continues and by continues I mean it gets worse. Its got this rhythm from a 90’s spanish dance song. Here I’ll show you. The video is even better than the song and the song is pretty bad, but better than coldplays. 

And that spanish dance song got its rhythm from this even worse but hilarious 70’s song. Called I Go to Rio. Or maybe both the songs are based off of this one. I don’t know. All I know is that it was annoying the first time so why copy it again and again. 

Anyway, in coldplays version of I Go to Rio theres like a really gaudy 80’s guitar riff that chimes in eventually and just never stops. We all remember the time when the guitar was THE instrument, but now its not. Music has gotten more musical in that it employs different instruments that work together instead of just letting the guitar shred. The guitar takes a backseat in this song, but its the same riff over and over and over for like the whole song. God man have some variation please.

The song seems to fade through like every genre of music and finally ends like an MGMT song, in that the last phrase is repeated a million times.




Yes yes we all get it. A tear drop is like a waterfall, because a tear is mostly water and its falling down your face. Whatever coldplay. Don’t get me wrong, I used to like you, but this song sucks. You’ve had 4 albums already, even though the 2 middle ones were like the same album repeated. Give it a rest. Its over. No one cares. Obviously.

This one was almost relevant to society!


Written by masonhankins

June 8, 2011 at 6:24 am

Posted in Uncategorized

bro story

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This is an actual phone conversation of 2 Bros that took place in late 2010.

Bro1: Hey Bro!

Bro2: Sup’ Broski.

Bro1: Whats up Broban?

Bro2: Just Broing out Bro. You Bro?

Bro1: Brodeo Bro.

Bro2: Totally jelly Broner! No invite Bro?

Bro1: No space Brobee. Only 5 Bros and 1 Bra allowed.

Bro2: I’m over it Bro Jangles. Total Broasis here anyway. Got my Brews and my Bros.

Bro1: BRO!

Bro2: Back atcha Bro.

Bro1: Gotta go. Later Broba Fett.

Bro1: Brobye Brodo.



Written by masonhankins

June 6, 2011 at 12:04 am

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Jokes (kinda)

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If treebeard shaved his beard, he would have to change his name too.

No matter how many story elements you have, you can never make a story compound.

My little brother ‘likes’ Knowledge on facebook. Probably because he doesn’t have any knowledge.

When you ‘like’ something on facebook you should be able to differentiate between ‘liking’ it and being ‘in like’ with it. Theres totally a huge difference.

People can’t like me on facebook. They can only like my actions. And most of the time they are apathetic about it and isn’t that worse than disliking something?

I’m stuck on facebook. I honestly only had 2 jokes. I’m not even on facebook, facebook is on me. In my brain.

I thought the coffee shopped closed at 6 so I drove to it really fast at 5:45. Turns out it closes at 11. Thats not a joke, it just happened to me today.

If I could make dubstep, I would duble the amount of dubstep in each song. That would be my style.

When fat people dance to dubstep its called flubstepping.

Trees never have to get haircuts.

Heres a joke: Coldplay. Thats right I went there.

If your joke fails, just say, “You had to be there.” to save yourself the embarrassment. Its okay. We understand.

I never really understood how to play marbles, but I have marbles for some reason.

I wonder if people partied like it was 1 the night before Jesus’ birth. I wonder if those people were super confused that it was year 1 again a year later.

If we assume that everybody that celebrates Christmas is Christian, then way more people would be going to heaven the originally thought.

That should be how Christians convert people. Have you heard about Jesus? Well hes dead but then rose again, but we still celebrate his birthday. You should join, its a rockin’ time. Last year, I got an iPad. (I didn’t really)

The news is never like, “This Christmas Jesus is 2011 years old. Happy Birthday Jesus!”

Did we add 3 days to Jesus’ original birthday to account for the time he was dead? I don’t know how that works when you die and come back to life.

I’ve been making this stuff up on the spot. Thats why it doesn’t work. Deep down its really funny, but your not laughing because you judge a book by its cover. Jerk.

Once I add all the bells and whistles, my next album, ‘Bells and Whistles’ will be complete.

And this is what I do all day. Hoorah!

Next Time: I make up something else.


Written by masonhankins

June 5, 2011 at 11:43 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

i made haikus. i’m 5 btw.

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You soulless machine

Hammer in hand I will smite

Great Odin is Proud




Spider Sense Tingles

An Enemy Approaches

Go Web Go! Oh No




You got a wordpress?

Now blog something relevant!

Too long did not read.




Good people die now.

What are the rules to this game?

Format this again.




Me no understand.

Why write syllables this now?

It stupid me think.




Ooh Ah Banana

Banana Me Banana

Banana Ana




Nab a nana ba

Nana ba nana bana



Banana 2


Ba Nana ba

Nana ba nanab Ana

Nab a Nanaban!




Mason Brooks Hankins

is a perfect name for a

Haiku. You think so?


Young Neil


Young Neil is Neil Young

His real name is Young Neil Young

Young is spelled weird no?


MacBook Pro


The MacBook Pro is

Not really a book. And it

Is not a pro too.




Some of these are bad.

But I don’t care. So Suck it.

Read them anyway.




Art is for the young.

The music stopped in my headphones.

Where did it go now?




Do you have a heart?

Then why don’t you help the poor?

Your heart is not strong.




The world would be good.

If we had Cerebro for

The heart as well Prof.


Death Cab for Cutie


Death Cab for Cutie

I guess you are not hipster.

Pitchfork Panned You Bro.




Fuzzy Buzzy Bands

Make the world go around. Kind of.

Fuzzy Buzzy Bands



No Idea


Practice more than twice

To obtain a license man.

This one sucks I know.




Don’t ever erase.

Once you make it, it is alive.

Think. Fingernails dude.




I like chemicals.

They make me faster, better.

The good ones at least.




The only heroes left.

Are sports stars. Why is this true?

It just is fatty.


Michael Phelps


Faster than humans.

He needs more of a challenge.

Make him race a shark.




A word. Sentence. Phrase.

There is a lot to say. Man.

Or just be silent.




You scratch my back and

I’ll scratch yours. Or you can buy

me a back scratcher.


Enough for now.


This is the last one.

At least for now. I’m tired of

Counting Syllables.

Written by masonhankins

June 4, 2011 at 9:03 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

i wrote a story! read it now. its amazing.

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Once upon a time there was a Deer named Fred. Fred liked to dance. He liked to dance so much, he practiced 18 hours a day. A lot of people thought Fred practiced dancing too much. And a lot of the other male Deer thought Fred was really gay for dancing all the time, but Fred didn’t care what other people thought, He was dedicated to his art. One day however, Fred was practicing a very difficult routine when he suddenly tripped and fell, twisting his ankle. Suddenly Fred was physically unable to dance. He could barely even walk home after that fateful accident. As he limped home he started to cry because he realized that he could not dance for a while. The next couple days were very hard for Fred. He wanted to dance more than anything, but couldn’t. He became depressed.

He couldn’t eat or sleep. All he did was think about Dance and it made him more and more sad every time he thought about Dance. It was very tragic. A few days later, Fred had healed up a bit but still wasn’t ready to dance, but tried anyway. As soon as he started, pain shot through his body. It was so intense he had to give up after 3 seconds. Now fred was angry because of the pain. “Life isn’t fair!” Fred moaned to no one in particular. “I can’t do anything.” Of course, no one was listening or even cared to listen. They all had their own lives to live anyway. They didn’t want to deal with a seemingly gay Deer who loved to dance but couldn’t. Fred was all alone. Once again Fred limped home and started crying. He hated the world for not caring about his misfortune just as much as he hated his leg and himself for not being able to dance.

As he laid on his bed crying and feeling miserable and sorry for himself, a magic man appeared. “Who are you?” Yelled Fred, Startled. “I AM…THE MAGIC MAN.” said the Magic Man as he pretended to walk through imaginary doors. “Why are you here?”” Questioned Fred again. “I just did a magic trick where I disappeared, and I reappeared here. Because when you disappear, you can’t obviously stay disappeared, you must reappear somewhere else.” “Oh” said Fred as he went back to crying. The Magic Man noticed this crying and felt sorry for Fred. He had a couple minutes before he needed to disappear again, so he decided he wanted to help. “Whats wrong?” He asked. “I sprained my ankle and now I can’t dance.” said Fred. “Hmm…well lets see what I can do for you.” The Magic man first showed Fred that he had nothing up his sleeve as all magicians must do before performing a trick. (which is usually when the trick happens when it happens to be fake.) Then he moved his arms around Freds leg trying to feel the messed up parts that needed fixing.

After he had done this awhile he yelled, “Bippity Boppity Bootstraps Bill Turner!” Suddenly many birds appeared to be coming out out the Magic Mans clothes. “Did it work,\?” He asked. “I don’t know let me see.” said Fred as he went to stand up and walk around, dodging birds at the same time. “Wow,” he said, “That didn’t help a bit. I kind of expected that it would have seeing that this story started with Once upon a time.” “Drat.” Said the Magic Man “I must have said the wrong words. Anyway I must be off. The audience is waiting for my dramatic reappearance.” And at that he disappeared. Once again Fred was all alone and he still couldn’t dance. The only thing that was different was that Fred’s room was filled with birds. “Get out of here birds. Go find someone else to annoy.” But the birds didn’t listen, probably because they don’t speak Deer or English for that matter (Fred knows both btw). One landed on Freds hurt ankle and started picking at it with is beak. “No no no bird. get off me!” said Fred, quite angrily.

The bird did not leave, but somehow disappeared into Freds ankle. Suddenly all the birds flew into Freds body. And the Fred, completely weirded by all this just sat there, mouth agape. Then wings started sprouting from his back and then Fred the Deer had wings so he became Fred the DeerWing. “Woah this is all crazy,” said Fred. “I can totally fly now.” But as soon as Fred tried to fly, he woke up from his dream. Thats right he was dreaming the whole or most of the time. “What a crazy dream” said Fred. But as he got up he noticed his ankle no longer hurt. He was healed! As if by Magic. Excited about this strange occurrence, Fred started dancing again. Then Fred said in a very cliche voice, “Maybe it wasn’t a dream after all!” Fred became a professional dancer and lived happily ever after. And yes, it turns out that he was actually gay the whole time too. Like super gay. Crazy I know Right? Crazy for 4am.


Written by masonhankins

June 4, 2011 at 9:08 am

Posted in Uncategorized

gotta get dat

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I’ve decided that this blog doesn’t have a purpose. I feel good about this decision. I hate feeling like I have to have a focus or whatever. Its probably just my ADD saying that, but its true. I don’t think life has a purpose. We pretend it does, make things important. Then we rush through life and look back at all the things we’ve missed. I know this because I’m 21 years old and I already have a lot to look back on and feel bad about.

I never went to space camp. I should have taken piano lessons. I probably should have been more active in things like film in high school. I never was because I never cared. I’ve had senioritis since I was born. I just don’t care about things. And now, I’m too busy wishing I did stuff in the past to think about my future, which is going nowhere by the way. I live at home and it totally sucks. Living at home is a constant reminder of how much of a failure you are. You wake up around 12pm to dogs barking and you roll out of bed and see yourself in the room you’ve slept in since 6th grade. At that point its over. You know its going to be a terrible day because you have nothing to do and nowhere to go. Then you see your little brother and he makes fun of you because he goes to college and you don’t. God my life sucks.

Sorry things just got a little too real there. On the bright side, I saw X-Men First Class tonight. I was pretty awesome. I would post the trailer or something, but I’m too lazy. Plus you’ve probably seen the commercial like 500 times. You think its like an episode of scrubs because Professor X looks like Zach Braff and scrubs is on like every channel, but then its more serious so you think its like Garden State. Yea I saw that movie. Anyway yea that was the highlight of my week. I hang out with a married couple now. Thats who I saw it with. Because they care about me unlike my good for nothing high school friends (with a few exceptions of course).

I’ve realized that friendships become less relevant over time. You meet someone and sparks fly and you hang out for a couple of years. Then something happens and you part ways. Occasionally they pop up and you’re like, “woah this is awesome for 5 seconds but I have a different life now.” Yea I wish that didn’t happen. Because I’m the guy that pops up and is like yea lets hang out. And everyone is like, “Yea lets do it but not really! Just call me so I can come up with an excuse so I don’t have to say no and I don’t have to see you. Win Win right?” Wrong. Mainly because I cared about you. But I guess you don’t care about me. Whatever. I thought we were friends. What good is facebook? So I can see the people I already see daily? Well I guess I never see anyone so I’m the loser thats always on facebook chat like “whats up.” and then they sign off.

Man I’m just Captain Negative today. Probably because my pills don’t work. They do the opposite effect in making me sad all the time. What are the doctors doing? We really hit a point in science where we were like, yea its not going any further. Go study plants. And then we invented iPads, which are just big iPhones. But don’t tell me that because I really want one. Someone buy me one! My birthday is coming up soon. 32Gb 3G PLZ Don’t go cheap and get 16GB Wifi. I thought you were my friend. I’ll just trade it in for 3 shirts at American Apparel. Whatever.

I should just end every paragraph with the word Whatever. I could have shortened that sentence, but I didn’t. Take that English, you will be lengthy and full of nonsense. 3 page papers whatever. This blog is already TLDR status anyway. Go away. See you Next Week.

Next Time: Business Time.

Written by masonhankins

June 4, 2011 at 5:29 am

Posted in Uncategorized

my heroes (kind of)

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As you all know, I’m an avid reader. Thats the best way I can describe my reading. Avid. Do we ever use that word anywhere else other than reading? Are you an avid mechanic? I just looked it up. Avid means “having keen interest or enthusiasm.” Guess what the sentence that goes with the definition is? “An avid reader of science fiction.” We should redefine the word avid as the word you use to describe your reading no matter how you actually read. Because honestly being an avid bicyclist doesn’t sound right. Whatev you know. Its just another one of those overused words like Allegedly/Allegations. The news likes to use the word Allegedly. Mainly because they never actually do any journalism anymore. They’re just like, “Well…here it is!” And then they tell you all the apparent facts/opinions. Awesome.

Anyway, back to my original topic. My heroes. Ish. I guess I kind of look up to these people or are inspired by these people. Or at least inspired me more than everyone else. I’m only talking about famous people here btw, so don’t get pissed when I don’t talk about you. Unless you are famous, then you can kind of pissed. Enough jibber jabber, time to begin.

Kurt Cobain/Nirvana

So cliche right? I’ve gotta start with Kurt Cobain because he was one of the first people to influence me. Believe or not, there was time when I wasn’t into music. Or didn’t know what good music was. I was young. I didn’t care. For like a really long time. Then my friend gave me Stadium Arcadium by the Red Hot Chili Peppers and I freaked out. I listened to that album for like 2 years and I still listen to it occasionally. But that was the start of it all. You’re probably like, “WTF shouldn’t this be about RCHP then?” I’m getting to the point. Just stop interrupting me.  Soon after that I got into Nirvana. And I really connected with the vibe or whatever you want to call it. And then I spent the next few years wanting to be Kurt Cobain. I kind of hoped that I was some sort of reincarnation of Kurt Cobain, even though I was born before he died. I know its not really original since pretty much every band since Nirvana has been influenced by Nirvana. But, I felt like Nirvana for me was the start of something new. And it was. Look at me now! I’m all hipster or whatever. I’m still trying to grow my hair out like Kurt Cobain. Heres one of my favorite songs by Nirvana. You can watch it or whatever.

Demetri Martin

In high school, Demetri Martin was my hero. Now he is the bain of my existence. Why? Because if Demetri Martin didn’t exist, I would be Demetri Martin. And don’t say that I would be him because I was influenced by him. Yea, I was but at the same time I still think I would be just as weird without him. The thing I hate about him now is that he has this monopoly on visual/art comedy. I do stuff like that. Its automatic to me. I don’t want to explain stuff to you. You either get it or you don’t. Lets move on. Yea, I’m still a fan. But no matter what I do now, its Demetri Martin-ish. I’m apparently not original. Sucks. You can’t just be yourself I guess. You have to be someone thats not famous to get famous. Whatever. I’ll get over it when I’m more famau5 than deadmau5. Video time! Watch all parts! Or else.

Kid Cudi

Kid Cudi is another depressed freak I look up too. I still love him though. Mainly because I’m just like him. Except I don’t have all his good qualities, as in being rich and famous and musically talented. But I also don’t have his bad qualities like his cocaine use. Get ready folks because I have 2 whole videos for Kid Cudi. First! Him falling down drunk (or on other drugs). 

That was a long time ago. He’s better now…I think. Anyway he still makes some pretty good songs that I listen to a lot. He’s up there with Nirvana. I don’t have much to write about him. Anyway, I’ve never seen him in concert so not much to talk about really. No funny quips can’t be thought of. Here’s his new song so I can reclaim my relevancy. 

Eugene Mirman

Alright I’m getting really bored of this so I’m only going to do one more. I discovered Eugene Mirman from the Flight of the Conchords. Yea, another influence based on an influence. I get it. Whatever. Eugene Mirman is hilarious. Yea I’m out of things to write about. Basically the lasted thing he has done is take out a full page ad against Time-Warner Cable. So heres the video. I’m not going in depth or anything. Whatever. Read about it somewhere else.

Next time: I talk about nothing.

Written by masonhankins

June 2, 2011 at 9:20 pm

Posted in Uncategorized